The Landlord Pays... sort of.

When I do posts about work, a lot of times I have to be careful about how much information I reveal, whose names I use, etc. However, today, I have a legal story (non-work-related), and the goal is absolutely to forego anonymity for the subject of the story.

As some of you know, I have been suing my landlord. I moved out in October and he never returned my security deposit ($900, not counting a "non-refundable" $325 pet deposit), and never gave me any kind of notice about what he planned to take for damages/etc. In Florida, a landlord has 30 days to do that, or they forfeit any right to your security deposit. So, if it's been 30 days and you haven't heard from a landlord, you could basically smear poop on the walls and it wouldnt even matter (but please dont take that as official legal advice).

Anywho, the guy ignores a million emails/calls/texts. Naturally, I start feeling all litigous and get counsel (who happens to be a friend of mine, who does it for free).

Months go by of sternly-worded letters from my attorney, subpoenas for court, and I never hear a WORD. Then, suddenly, the day before court, I guess the guy realized he was going to have to cancel his spa appointment and just went apeshit. I was happy to, for once, refer him to my attorney, to whom he offered $400. Seriously. (By the way, had this gone to court, he had no defense, and would have had a judgment against him of more than $2000, with interest).

So, the guy decides my lawyer is rude (when he finally met him, he "warned" him that he better watch who he is rude to or he might get hurt... seriously?), he "decides" he "wont" deal with him, and begins to stalk me. Delusional.

For example, I get the following text:
"Lori, let's be real here. Everything was smooth up until this microwave issue and the attorney came into the picture. He obviously will tell you not to discuss this with me. He wants his money too. I have to pay 400 to get the microwave fixed AND pay you back the deposit. If we settle for 1100 that is more than fair. Can we settle on that and be done with it?"

I, naturally, ignored this text, and the 400 that preceded/followed it, but I'd like to point out why it's my favorite. First of all, the idea that this was all "smooth" before is hilarious. I retained a lawyer BECAUSE it was not smooth. In fact, I'd say it was quite rough on me. But, I bet it was pretty smooth for him since he, you know, ignored me for months without consequence and all. Secondly, he is trying to play Mr. Nice Guy. Like, big bad lawyer is screwing this for us. Ok, first of all... I'm a lawyer, soooo doesnt help to suggest that they are money-grubbing assholes (truth aside). And, also... I told my lawyer I didnt want to talk to you, because you annoy me. That was not his advice. And, finally... 1100 was not fair, considering he was in no bargaining position and I fail to believe that the small dent I accidentally made in a microwave (tip: don't microwave metal) really cost $400.

So, finally he caves... and, mind you, that is to my incredibly reasonable offer of $800 for me and $500 for my lawyer. Then he has the audacity to ask for a payment plan. Seriously. Says he can't come up with any money for two weeks. This brings us to another issue: the law requires a landlord to keep your security deposit in a separate bank account. Clearly he spent mine on designer jeans (he's a pharm sales dude, you know the type). So, again: FAIL.

Anyway, the story has a relatively happy ending. I got my check (shockingly he came up with the cash the night before court anyway) and he didn't get screwed in court. I felt this was my good deed, so, to balance that out, I'd like to make an announcement:

NEVER EVER RENT FROM ANDREW HUFF. HE WILL SPEND YOUR DEPOSIT AND THEN NEVER GIVE IT BACK (maybe, he did it to me).

xoxo --